This is a very slow and lame drag race between Jesse on his Vespa and Rafael in the Smart Car. At least Jesse was kind enough to thank his sponsors at the end!
Considering A New Paint Job For Your Truck And Are You In The South?
Take a lesson from the boys over at Top Gear, and stay away from any thing anti W. Bush, anti Country Music, or anti NASCAR… One of our favorite shows here at Truckeo is Top Gear which for those that don’t know its about a group of Brits that have to complete auto challenges in each episodes … these challenges range from racing on some of the worlds best tracks, to long dangerous rides… .and some times some just plain stupid stunts… as seen in this clip.
So take a lesson from the boys at Top Gear and re-think the “man love” paint job if you are driving in the South.
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Tagged Bush, Funnie Paint Job, Man Love, Paint Job, The South, Top Gear, truck, Truckeo, Trucks
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Pee in your gas tank for better fuel economy
At Truckeo, we have a tradition of just reading headlines and skimming the content. This results in our not understanding the things that we have an obnoxious opinion on. After all its the internet – who needs fact checking? So we were actually tempted to read the articles about powering your truck by peeing into the tank, but it seemed like too much work
We are surprised that this is new. Many, many times at the old drinkin’ spot we have been known to pee on just about anything – a tree, the tires, even Jesse’s leg on occassion. So the “researcher” that downed a six pack of Natty Light and took a piss in his gas tank is not a groundbreaker – he was just really hammered. I hope he didn’t drive home because that would be bad (our little PSA).
We think that this will become an internet hit – kinda like Diet Coke and Menthos – but with better results for your truck. Can you imagine the results? We could be rockin’ down the highway (stopping at reststops to drink because there are laws against open containers – our second PSA) and when we needed to wizz, into the gas tank it goes. Gas Stations will be out of business in no time! Or better yet, they would become Beer Stations! The gas pumps would be replaced by kegs!
Actual (imagined) recording of a cop with the state trooper hat and glasses pulling over Cletus the Redneck:
Officer: Boy, have you been drinking?
Cletus: No officer, I been makin fuel for ma truuuck
Officer: Smells like you bin drinking.
Cletus: No suh, I will show you. Let me pee on your po-lice car.
Officer: Keep your dick in your pants boy, you is under arrest. Perverts like you gets theirs in jail.
Cletus: I ain’t no pervert. I loves my cousin, not boys. This is science – I read about it on Truckeo.com
Officer: Well, OK this time. If’n it was on Truckeo.com its got to be true.
So there you have it. We will be selling Urine Conversion kits soon and you can pee in your truck (on purpose this time) to fuel it. It will be awesome. I think I need to buy some Natty Light stock since that stuff makes urine faster than anything else.
New Ford F-150 Hybrid has poor fuel economy
Ford has been pushing their ‘green’ image for years. We had the Pinto, then we had Bill Ford and his “I am an environmentalist” TV ads, and we have had the F-150 SFE Fuel Economy edition. While the intention is nice, the truth is that Ford sells more trucks than anyone and thus is the world leader in producing poor fuel economy vehicles – in short, Ford Motor Company is killing the planet.
People are so frustrated that they have taken to making their own hybrid trucks. Trucks are quite useful for hauling things around, deliveries, as well as looking cool and motorized hiking. We love trucks here at Truckeo, which is a good thing since the business is selling truck accessories. If we didn’t like trucks, work wouldn’t be any fun. But back from my tangent and returning to the point of this blog post, Hybrid Trucks. Most hybrid trucks are built to use two energy sources to move the truck down the road. The most common is using gasoline engines with battery powered electric motors. Chris Lentz’s F-150 went another route because he kept the original gas engine and also equipped the F-150 with a Motorlet M-701 jet motor.
While this is an impressive bit of engineering, we are a little disappointed with a few things. First – he went for the power hybrid instead of the economy hybrid, just like Lexus did with their LS460H. Don’t get us wrong, we like power – but an extra 2700 HP will not do much for fuel economy, but it does help with passing on the freeway.
Another issue we have is the use of a standard cab truck. Two seat trucks are fine, but you will never sell any volume of vehicles if they are only two seaters. Had Chris made his hybrid truck in a crew cab format, I am sure he would be able to sell more than double the number of vehicles than he could with a regular cab. This is the same mistake that Ford made with the SVT Raptor.
Third – why not go with a Super Duty Diesel as a base vehicle. Then the truck would only need one fuel tank since Jet Fuel and Diesel are basically interchangeable, at least that is what some cracked out meth-addict truck driver told me once in a remote gas station bathroom. He may have been exaggerating since he claimed he had been awake for 56 hours and was trying to escape from the aliens. Still the ability to fill up with diesel anywhere would be preferable to driving to the airport all the time for some Jet-A. Chris claims he can run it on bio-diesel, but we think he is just saying that to score points with the hippie chicks that go for a guy who drives a hybrid.
So rather than installing a Jet Engine to try and improve fuel economy, why not try something like the S&B Cummins Air Filter and Intake combo. My friend Mic put one on his truck and told me that he got another 2 miles per gallon (no joke).
Here is the video of the F-150 Hybrid
Buy a Grille Guard, get a Free Gun! No background checks!
Following the lead of Max Motors with their “Buy a truck, get an AK-47” promotion, we have decided to do our own. Every customer that buys a Grille Guard from us will get a FREE GUN!
That’s right, a FREE GUN with NO BACKGROUND CHECK!
Here’s how it works:
- Go to our grille guard section and select a grille guard for your truck
- Purchase the grille guard and enter the code “FREEGUN” at checkout
- We will ship the grille guard and gun to your address with no background checks
Frequently Asked Questions:
Q. Are the grille guards high quality?
A. Yes, we only sell good stuff. Everyone else sells crap so buy from us.
Q. How come your prices are so low?
A. It is against our beliefs to make any money. Just ask our accountant
Q. What brands of grille guards do you sell?
A. We sell Go Rhino and we also have a large stock of discounted Smittybilt grille guards
Q. Do you have matching nerf bars to go with the grille guard?
A. Yes, we have many nerf bars in stock. Both Go Rhino Nerf Bars and Smittybilt Nerf Bars
Q. Can I buy something else and get the FREE GUN anyway?
A. Sure, our warehouse people probably won’t notice the difference.
Q. How soon will I get the gun? I have people I need to visit.
A. As soon as we get your money, we will send the gun.
Q. What kind of gun is it? Do you have a picture?
A. It is a really nice gun. See photo below.
Q. Does the gun come with a silencer?
A. As you know, silencers are restricted. However the gun is extremely quiet and has been used for stealth attacks many times in our world history.
Q. Does the gun come with any ammunition?
A. Sorry no. That would be illegal to ship over state lines.
Q. So no background check right? You don’t need my real name, do you?
A. No. We believe in a free America and the right to be anonymous. Except for your credit card information and the address you ship it to, and the other secret data we collect from you when you browse to this site – like the last porn site you visited, how much time you spend on craigslist when you should be working, how much you lost on internet poker last week and who your wife is cheating on you with.
Q. I am with the media, who should I contact about this promotion?
A. Call 888-385-6181 and ask for Greg or email him at greg@truckeo.com
Q. I am with the Bureau of Alchohol Tobacco and Firearms, who should I contact about this promotion?
A. Uh.. John… uh.. Smith. That’s it – John Smith. Call John at 888-555-1212 and he can help you.
Q. Can I get this free gun over the phone?
A. No, we have to ship it to you. We are not Star Trek, we can’t just beam it to you, although that would be cool.
Q. OMG, WTF?
A. LOL, FTW!
Q. Don’t you feel bad, riding on the other guy’s promo?
A. No, we have no imagination, so we do this all the time. Kinda like a remora.
Here is the picture of the FREE GUN-
To actuate, simply squeeze his groin area and watch the bad guys run for cover.
We reserve the right to substitute some other gun which might be better or worse, depending on what the local dollar store has in stock.
Buy a truck get an AK-47
If times are tough, then you need a good promotion. Why not arm your customers? I bet the conversation went like this:
Why don’t we give away a gun with every purchase? People around here like guns!
Max Motors of Butler, Mo., is the king of link bait – he is getting a million blogs to talk about his promotion and stirring the hornet’s nest of gun control while he is at it. His website features a drawing of the Soviet-made assault rifle and an animated cartoon of him wielding two handguns. This promotion is an upgrade to a previous deal he had going, and he is becoming a master of PR. Maybe we should copy him? How about a Free (squirt) Gun with every Grille Guard.
He was interviewed on CNN – sadly he admits that you don’t get the keys and the weapon at the same time. This is kind of a bummer because none of us here at Truckeo should be armed (darn laws!) and we were hoping to pull a fast one. Out of luck again.
Ford Trucks to come with Laser Beams
Reminiscent of Dr. Evil in Austin Powers, the next generation of Ford vehicles will come equipped with laser beams to ignite that pesky gasoline that they will still insist on using. Researchers at Liverpool University have finally done something useful with all that grant money that they get and have figured out that laser beams can ignite a combustible mixture (this is new?) and have sold this undoubtedly patented idea to Ford, because GM and Chrysler were too broke and the European automakers are all selling diesel engines which don’t need anything besides compression to ignite.
I could have saved them all a lot of money on this idea. Simply go to Smokey Yunick’s website and purchase the man’s autobiography. In it you will learn all sorts of things about the early days of NASCAR, getting high in the jungles of Peru, getting laid at Indy and his experiments on replacing spark plugs with other flame sources.
From Smokey’s account of the Carrea Panamerica :
In Mexico City we work on car at the Hudson dealership. We can’t speak Spanish, but the dealer’s got a 15 or 16 year old son. A real nice guy and helper. He’s going with us as our interpreter. (Good idea as it turned out.) Gotta have a place to stay for five days. Taxi driver says “Go to Angel’s, best place in town” Angel’s is a big house, 15 bucks a day for room and three meals…free booze part of rent…free hookers and dirty movies all day and night…all for 15 bucks a day. Yes, it was all good… for a dose of the crabs…quite an interesting place.
Will Twitter sue us as well as Tech Crunch?
We have noted a couple of times here on this blog about trucks that we have Twitter accounts, and we have hijacked the Twitter imagery for our own uses. Now Tech Crunch has posted internal company documents that some person has swindled from inside Twitter itself.
These documents show internal projections of users and also of revenue, and we understand why Twitter might sue. What we don’t understand is why Twitter has NOT sued us yet, despite Jesse’s flagrant disregard for their bird imagery (I am sure that they have trademarked and copyrighted everything birdlike by now)
Twitter suing Tech Crunch will not have any winners. There will be lots of lawyer fees and in the end they will settle out of court for some undisclosed deal.
If Twitter sued us here at Truckeo, things would be much different. Instantly people would be talking about our site and we would get top level blogs commenting, perhaps CNN (TwitterNN?) would cover us – the world would beat a path to our door to find out more about the nefarious Truckeo. We would probably sell a bunch of stuff.
I don’t think it would cost much for us either. Our lawyer isn’t actually trained or qualified, and we would be happy to use a belt sander on pay-per-view to remove the offensive trademark violating tattoo. Jesse doesn’t do enough for the company as it is, so a little bleeding will be deserved.
So come on Twitter – sue us already!
New GM won’t pay the old GM’s bills
On top of all the other news about GM and its bankruptcy, its new labor negotiations, its suppliers going bankrupt – there is a new problem.
They aren’t going to pay Rick Wagoner his full retirement pay. What kind of thanks is that to the man that ran them into the ground? Fritz just don’t play nice….
Do you think that poor Rick “my millions of shares are worthless” Wagoner should get the shaft like this? Post your comments below
Free Jeep Wrangler and we throw in a woman with it!
This is the deal of a lifetime! You won’t believe this offer – not available on TV – and you must act now! For information on how to get a Free Jeep Wrangler, with a hot babe that will want nothing but your good hot lovin’ , then keep reading.
First, about the Jeep. It is a 1992 Wrangler set up to go wheeling in Moab and just abot anywhere else your heart will take you. It has a new winch and is lifted, with 33″ tires. Many other extras are included and if you want you can get a set of Jeep Nerf Bars here, and a Jeep Cold Air Intake . More from the original classified ad:
Free ’92 Jeep Wrangler…Midvale, UT 84047 - Jul 1, 2009…with proposal and wedding ring.That’s right! Act now on this one-time offer. All you have to do is date and marry me and you can be the proud owner of a 1992 Jeep Wrangler (along with a 1970 woman). Jeep has a lift, safari top for the summer/hard top for the winter, rear locker, 33″ tires and (new this year) an 8000 lb winch.Not only do you get the Jeep, but you get me. And boys, I don’t come stock. I am FULLY LOADED! My add-ons include: a great sense of humor, an affection for “garage nights” (that means working on stuff in the garage), an amazing work ethic, temple-worthiness, an appreciation for sports, the ability to live well within my means, logical reasoning skills, a “work hard so you can play hard” mentality, and I’m great with kids, too!
Terms and Conditions:
- Marriage must last a minimum of 5 years.
- Jeep cannot feel neglected – trips to Moab required – but it’s a package deal. You take the Jeep, you take me!
- Honda 400EX included in lifetime package.
- Honeymoon required.
Contact me at wedding.jeep@hotmail.com
Men only, please. I am ALL woman!
More from the original listing at KSL
Chevy trucks are built Ford tough
Chevy trucks are built Ford tough, but they can’t get to the Dairy Queen in one piece. MSNBC has this video clip showing why Driver’s Ed should begin much earlier than 16, so that when your child steals the family SUV he will be able to drive better and not crash.
Video at Click on Detroit
Since I couldn’t get that video to embed, here is a completely unrelated one of a 14 year old driving a monster truck
Close enough for the internet, right?
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Before Droping Your Truck Off For Service at Truckeo
We recommend you leave some good porn (Asian midget clown porn to be exact), some good drugs, and at least 500 in small bills(we all know strippers only take ones)…you may have bigger problems then what ever it is your dropping your truck off for, being that we don’t have a service center, so most likely your pills, porn, and cash would be on its way to Nogales, Mexico for an amazing weekend.
All jokes aside Jason Leonard of Lafayette, Indiana wasn’t joking when he discovered that service technicians at Hampton Toyota were stealing his quarters, medication, and watching porn in his Toyota well being serviced. He first had suspicions of wrong doing going on when he first took his truck in to be serviced in 07, then again when he took it in a second time….after many attempts to complain and no results he decided to take matters in to his own hands and place a hidden camera in his truck to catch the thieves. What he discovered was not only were the service techs stealing his quarters, he also discovered the techs using racial slurs, and using company laptops to watch porno. Along with the DVDs he also sent in a letter with descriptions of what happens on the DVDs.
here is some great quotes from the letters
“I keep personal medication in it for emergencies. He then unscrews the vial, looks inside and smells the vial. Next, he pours them into his hand and inspects them. He then puts them back in the vial and then licks the pill dust from his hand”
-I like to think this was a wake up call for this service tech who later got fired for this, but honestly we all know he is now a service tech in a different field if you get my drift,if you need any service he’s located behind the circle K and only charges 25 cents per job..
” He then opens the second compartment, takes out my CDs and inspects the compartment.”
-Jason must have crappy taste in music if the service tech who steals quarters and pills wont even take a second look at your music.
“The third guy is the computer technician. He connects the laptop to my truck, located under the steering wheel, and begins working on the laptop. At approximately 3:27 into the video, a male and female voice, is heard coming from the laptop. The audio from the laptop plays the following:
MALE: “I’m sitting here with Violet. How are you today Violet?”
FEMALE: “Pretty good.”
MALE: “You doing pretty good?”
FEMALE: “Yeah”
MALE: “So you’re gonna do some modeling for us today, huh?”
FEMALE: “Yeah”
MALE: “Yeah, nice. So I see you’re wearing a little see-through top. Not bad, nice. A little skirt.”
This audio, which is coming from the laptop, is obviously some type of pornographic video due to the language and context in which it was spoken, which is being accessed using the company’s laptop.”
-you never know this service tech might have being on lunch break, and rubbing one off was the only thing that keeps him from snapping like a twig under pressure…maybe if Jason had better pills, this guy wouldn’t have being so stressed out.
For the clear violation of Toyota code of conduct all three service techs were fired, and Jason was giving an apology and Hampton Toyota extended his service warranty. Since then Jason has removed the full length videos from youtube but kept up a few clips. so for your viewing pleasure I present to you Hampton Toyota at its finest.
GM dealers running out of trucks
Since we all know that the whole US population only wants to buy Toyota Priuses, why has General Motors now run out of trucks? This is kinda weird folks. The exact vehicle that our fearless leaders claim that nobody wants are now hard to get. My head spins in confusion.
But it shouldn’t, and here is why -
- You can’t fit the average family with 2.3 kids and all their gear into a Prius
- If you are fortunate enough to have three children that need to be in carseats then you need a three row vehicle (minivan or SUV) or a full size truck just to get the seats to fit, let alone any crap
- Gas is cheap again and the buying public has the memory of a goldfish. They have already forgotten that prices will go back up
- GM is so competent that they just went bankrupt. Enough said.
- Trucks are cool in a way that a little compact car will never be….
So I am sure I could have taken those little points and made a book out of it, but I am lazy. Why not tell me how lazy I am in the comment form below?
Twitter to sue people with Twitter tattoos
In one of their many blogs posts, the Twitter team has announced that they are protecting terms and images related to twitter and tweeting and stuff that might remind you about them. Following in our long tradtion here at Truckeo to barely read anything or spend any effort in actually understanding the words that do penetrate our brain cavities, we must now come to the conclusion that our very own Jesse (the whale hater) will soon be dragged away in chains for his Twitter tattoo that is clearly illegal and probably dumb too.
Of course, this should come as no surprise. In the long list of ideas that come forth there are many that are poorly thought out. Another symptom of a bad idea is when the lawyers are involved in giving the advice – no, I am not talking about Twitter and their trademarks -I am talking about Jesse’s other idea for powering trucks with tears that I really don’t think will work and Jesse’s concept that children and kittens can’t afford lawyers to sue him. I am pretty sure PETA would get all over him if he ever tried it.
So you Twitter lawyers out there, just let me know when you are taking Jesse away to jail. I would like to have a video camera ready to film the whole thing for YouTube. I think that would make a pretty fun video.
Here is Jesse’s lawsuit waiting to happen. He is thinking about getting the “fail whale” tattooed on his butt, luckily they haven’t protected that image yet.
Jesse's Twitter Tattoo
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Town With No Cars
There is a little town in Germany called Truck-ban. This is a sad little place, where even children’s toys that look like trucks are banned. Actually its called Vauban which I am guessing translates to Truck-ban, but I don’t actually speak German except for my bad Schultz impression from Hogan’s Heroes.
If you want a car in Vauban, you must buy a parking space in one of the municipal garages on the fringes of town. It’ll cost you close on $40,000, but you wont be able to drive your car anyway because Vauban has almost completely dispensed with metalled roads.
This is just another method of greenie extorting the good truck owning people. Of course, this is in Germany where they don’t have cool trucks so sometimes I think it probably doesn’t matter. (Note: the cool VW surfer vans may have been built originally in Germany, but the cool part comes from SoCal.) What is a “metalled road” anyway?
“If you want to get around in Vauban you walk, ride a bike or hop on the ultra-efficient tram service that connects us to Freiburg in 15 minutes. If you want a car to go on holiday or to shift things, hire one or join one of the town’s car-sharing schemes,” explains Andreas Delleske one of the founders of the Vauban project.
There are other troubling quotes I should take out of context as well, like the aweful “of a former Nazi” and the somewhat scary “burgeoning German squatters” as well as the classic “the heating or inviting a couple of friends” which I am guessing refers to some sort of cannibalism. Enough I say – read this about this awful place for yourself at Off-Grid.net . I dare you.
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